Soft Porn and Cuban Pine
by Gerald Yelle
There was so much to watch on our new large
screen in our large white room. We knew
we had to avoid slasher pics and shoot-em-ups
but we hadn’t realized comedies could also
be trouble. The lifestyle strategist came on
the voice-over to say laughter might wake the
baby–or even frighten her. It recommended
soft porn, as gentle prodding and petting parent
to parent might calm and soothe the kid. It’s
just that these films come on a small YouTube
viewer. We couldn’t figure out how to make it
full screen and it was way across the room.
Plus it was silly: the thought of groping quietly.
Anyway, I had a job to do. Did the lifestyle
strategist have anything to say about that?
I was on my way to work with my neighbor,
bragging about the vacation I’d be on in a month
–and that I didn’t mind that it was a whole
month away because I had a few days off
coming up even sooner. My neighbor laughed
and complained of the cold. I said I was comfortable
with only a sweatshirt over a flannel. As we
approached the canal where we’d go our
separate ways he became increasingly excited
over some Cuban pine growing on the bank.
He sent his son to cut one in case they wanted it
as a Christmas tree. I couldn’t tell what
he saw in it. Mostly it was dry and scraggly.
The lifestyle strategist would say it was
typical of the retro-modernism trending in
holiday decor. I noticed one in particular
that was straight and narrow, shiny and dark.
It seemed confident, self-made and alien.
